Finding Our Way

Marwa Abdalla

Recently at a store, I was being helped by a young man. Noting my hijab, he asked, “You’re Muslim, right?”

“Yes,” I said nodding, “I am.”

“Yeah,” he continued, “my parents are Muslim.”

He then looked away, as if embarrassed by this fact. Was he embarrassed by his Islamic heritage, I wondered, or perhaps by the fact that he identified only his parents as Muslim, and not himself?

I sensed this young many had a story. I had no way of knowing how he had been raised or what his struggles were, but I wanted to say to him, “It’s ok. I’ve been there. I’ve had my struggles too.”

He looked back to hand me the items I’d purchased. “Well, have a good day,” he said, straining a smile. I wished him the same and left the store deep in thought.

Feeling Lost

I know there are many youth who feel lost in today’s world. In recent years, I’ve talked with some of them. We’ve discussed hopes and dreams, struggles and challenges. Some have expressed the feeling of being in uncharted territory, less dependent on their families but not quite sure yet of themselves. Against a changing backdrop of varying cultures and norms, they wonder how they’re going to find their way.

Though I grew up in a Muslim family, I didn’t always realize the value of my faith. Like the young man in the store, I didn’t see that the way to what I was searching for—contentment, peace, good character, a beautiful reliance on God—was right there in the teachings of Islam.

This series addresses some of the challenges youth face all over the world—challenges of identity, self-confidence, knowledge and understanding.  It is an attempt to communicate the teachings of Islam not as a list of duties and obligations, but rather as a “deen,” a holistic way of life. In it, we hope to highlight some lessons relevant to the years of young adulthood, and the guidance Islam provides to help us find our way.

The First Step

Imagine being physically lost. Rather than start running blindly in any direction, you’d probably first try to orient yourself. Similarly, one of the first steps to finding our way as young adults is to understand our current situation. What is our purpose? What are our goals?

Throughout history, people have pondered the reason for their existence. A lot of young people especially see suffering and injustice in the world and wonder why they were even created. From the Islamic perspective, the answer to this question is clear. As we read the first few pages of the Quran, the very first command we come across is this:

{Oh humanity, worship your Lord…} (2:21)

In the very next verse, we read the first prohibition:

{Do not set up false deities besides Allah…} (2:22)

Taken together, this command and this prohibition form the foundation for much of what we need to know about Islam.

Worshipping Allah:

{And I [Allah] did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me} (51:56)

{Indeed, I am Allah. There is no deity except Me, so worship Me and establish prayer for My remembrance.} (20:14)

Reflecting on such verses, we realize we are here for a purpose: to worship God. A lot of times, we associate worshipping God with specific acts like prayer and fasting. We don’t realize that everything we do, even our day-to-day actions, constitute part of that worship.

Avoiding False Deities:

In beginning to forge their identities and discover themselves, many young people become aware of a need inside them for something. I’ve heard it described as a longing, an ache, or a hole in one’s heart.  Islam teaches that this need exists in all of us and that it is meant to be filled with one thing: faith in God and knowledge of Him.

Unaware of this, many people, both young and old, will attempt to satisfy this need with other things. Some become overly obsessed with their jobs or their looks, others may get into trouble with relationships or addictions. Consequently, some youth find themselves on shaky ground just as they begin their adult lives.

Islam teaches that when we attempt to fill this need with other than God, we put ourselves in a perilous situation. Our hearts, rather than be attached to God, become attached to these things. Wealth, power, status, beauty all run the risk of becoming like false deities in our hearts when we over-emphasize their importance. The Quran draws our attention to this:

{Have you not seen the one who took his desire as his deity?} (25:43)

Fulfilling Our Purpose:

Each of us was created by God with unique qualities and talents. Part of fulfilling our purpose in life involves finding out how we can use those talents to better ourselves and our world. We do this with hearts oriented to God, thankful for whatever He has blessed us with and aware that our talents come from Him. This may be the most exciting part about young adulthood, when individuals discover and hone the skills God has blessed them with, and gain confidence that they can use these skills to make a difference in the world.

Thus, perhaps, the first step to finding our way as young Muslims is to understand, not only the reason for our existence, but also to recognize our need for and reliance on God and God alone. It is to cultivate in ourselves a connection to Him and attempt to use whatever skills or talents we have been blessed with to earn His pleasure.

Young adulthood is certainly an exciting time. There are many things to learn about life and about oneself. At those times when we feel a little lost along the way, I pray we remember that the teachings of Islam contain guidance for us all.

In the coming articles, we will, God-willing, discuss more of those teachings in hopes that no matter what challenges we face, we can more easily find our way.

When speaking with young adults, I often ask them to do certain activities.

One such activity involves drawing a rectangle on a piece of paper. In the space outside the rectangle I ask everyone to write words describing how they feel other people view them. Some might write words like “responsible” or “smart,” others might write things like “funny” or “happy”.

Inside the rectangle, I ask everyone to write words that describe how they see themselves. Often, the words on the inside of the rectangle are directly opposed to those outside of it. Why is this the case?

How we see and evaluate ourselves, our self-esteem, is extremely important. A lot of us judge ourselves much more harshly than we judge others. And while it’s important to identify areas we need to work on, it’s also important to develop confidence in who we are and in the skills Allah has blessed us with.

The Prophet Muhammad taught his companions to be confident without being arrogant. We can do this by recognizing the good in ourselves as a blessing from Allah, being thankful to Him, and continuously trying to earn His pleasure and improve ourselves for His sake.

Often in my talks with young adults, I’ll use acronyms to help us remember certain concepts. The acronym GREAT reminds us of things we can focus on in an effort to improve ourselves.

G: is for Grateful. Did you know that practicing gratitude is one of the most important things we can do to keep us healthy? Scientists who study gratitude have shown that feeling thankful for what we have can have a positive effect on our physical health, on our psychological well-being, and on our relationships with others. In other words, being grateful for what Allah has given us helps keep our minds, bodies and souls healthier.

One of the most common phrases the Muslim will repeat in his or her life is the phrase: Alhamdulillah. We recite this phrase in the beginning of Surat Al-Fatiha in every raka’ (unit) of prayer we pray. When asked how we are doing, we usually begin by saying “Alhamdulillah.” Most of us are used to saying Alhamdulillah when something good or that we perceive as good happens.

But what about when something that we think is bad happens to us? Even then, Islam teaches us that being grateful is still very important. How can we be grateful when things aren’t going our way? Firstly, we can remind ourselves that whatever is happening to us is by the will of Allah and that Allah always wants what is best for us and is more Merciful towards us than even our parents.

We can also remember that regardless of how bad things may seem, they could have been worse. One of the companions, Omar ibn Al-Khatab, used to always feel grateful that whatever calamity he was suffering did not cause him to lose his faith.

Practicing gratitude involves more than just lip-service. If we say Alhamdulillah but we don’t really mean it or feel it at the level of our hearts than our practice of gratitude really isn’t complete. We should do our best to think about the blessings in our lives and really feel thankful at the level of our hearts.

R: is for Respectful. We should be respectful of ourselves and of others. Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone that stems from that person’s abilities or qualities. Islam teaches that all people are inherently good and are honored and dignified by their Creator. When we think about ourselves and whenever we conduct ourselves, we need to do so with respect. Allah has blessed us with minds, bodies, and souls, that we need to take care of, and part of this involves not putting ourselves down or doing things that debase us or humiliate us.

Respecting others involves a lot of things, but maybe the most important place to begin is to give people the benefit of the doubt and do our best not to judge others. What we see of other people is only a superficial part of them. None of us really knows what is going on in the lives of others—they may be dealing with a stressful situation at home, or just going through a tough time. Throughout life, respecting others in the way we speak to them and interact with them—even in the way we think about them—will help us build the foundations for healthy relationships later on in life.

E: Energetic. The Prophet used to seek refuge with Allah from laziness. Feeling lazy makes us less energetic to do good. In the Quran, when Allah talks about the people who believe, He follows it with “and do good deeds.” Belief and doing good are closely tied together in Islam. As Muslims, whenever there is the opportunity to do good, whether it be with our parents, neighbors, friends, or communities, we should be energetic about taking advantage of it. When we feel tired or lazy, let us remember that any good we do, if done sincerely for the sake of Allah, will not only earn us reward in the hereafter, but will also, Insha’Allah, be of good to us in this life.

A: Aware. Awareness is fundamental in Islam. Actually, the time before Islam was revealed is often referred to as the time of “ignorance,” or jahiliya. The Prophet was asked about taqwa and he pointed to his heart and said three times:

“Taqwa is here.”

Taqwa is an Arabic word that means to shield oneself or protect oneself. When we have taqwa, we are aware that Allah is watching us and we do whatever we can to shield ourselves from displeasing Him. That means we don’t use our eyes to look at things or our ears to hear things that would displease Allah. It also means we watch who we are hanging around with and what we are doing with our time. Remembering that Allah is with us all the time, even when we are alone, helps us stay away from things that could harm us.

Knowing that Allah is with us also helps us when we feel like we’re going through something difficult. Allah tells us to call upon Him, to ask His help, to make du’a for Him and to remember Him. In Surat Al Baqarah, Allah says:

{And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.} (Quran 2:186)

T: Thoughtful. We should always be thoughtful about how we can improve ourselves. As young adults, it’s often tempting to say, “that’s it, I’m good enough,” and stop working on our imaan. But doing so is dangerous, because usually in life, if we aren’t getting better at something, we’re getting worse at it.

Think about athletes. They can’t just train for a few weeks a year and then expect to stay in shape. They are constantly trying to improve their game, their speed, or their level of fitness. The same is true of us. We should always be trying to improve ourselves—how to improve our knowledge, our skills, and our imaan.

“I want you to represent your life with a single curve,” I instructed as I passed blank sheets of paper around the room of high school students. I had been working for these students for several weeks, and this activity was meant to spearhead today’s discussion.

“Peaks in the curve signify times when you have felt happy, when you perceived that things were going well.” I looked up after handing the sheets around and continued, “Dips in the curve represent times when you felt down, sad, stressed, or anxious.” I asked the students to put specific labels on their curves and think deeply about what was going on in their lives at these various times.

I knew high school was a dynamic time. I remember days in my own experience when I felt competent, confident, and in control. On other days, however, it can feel like nothing was going my way. My goal was to empower the students with tools to get through those times.

Most students drew curves that looked like roller coaster tracks. There were sharp upswings and peaks, followed by drastic declines and troughs. I drew my own curve on the board.

curveLooking around, the students realized that no one’s curve was flat. Everyone’s life was filled with ups and downs.

“What were you feeling at the high and low points on your curve?” I asked, turning to the board and tracing my own curve with my finger. “Where did you turn for help during your lows? On whom did you rely?”

What followed was a beautiful discussion about the nature of life, hope and faith.

The Ups and Downs of Life:

The teachings of Islam draw our attention to the fleeting and ever changing nature of life. The human experience is a testament to this, as exemplified in the verse:

{It is Allah Who created you in a state of weakness; then after weakness He gave you strength, then after strength He made you weak and old. He creates what He pleases. He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful.} (Quran 30:54)

The universe is also an example of this, and the Quran makes reference to the movement of celestial bodies in orbit (36:37-40), to the alternation of night and day (3:190), and to numerous other changes we experience in our physical world.

Thus, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that our own personal lives experience flux between times of ease and times of adversity. Many of us go through life, with all its ups and downs, and seldom stop to think what role faith plays, if any, in all of this.

How do we understand faith? What function does faith serve in our lives, and is there any hope of recovering our faith if we’ve lost it?

The Role of Faith in Our Lives:

The Islamic term for faith is imaan, an Arabic word that comes from a root meaning security and safety. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was called Al-Ameen by the people of Makkah because he was so trustworthy—even his enemies felt safe leaving their valuables in his trust.

Similarly, when we have faith, we find a feeling of safety and security in our hearts. We feel calmness in our soul and freedom from fear. This feeling stems from knowing that regardless of what we may face in life, our affairs are ultimately in the hands of the Ever-Living, All-Knowing, and Most Merciful One.

Imaan can be understood from a lot of different places in our tradition. Many youth are familiar with the hadith, or prophet narration, called the hadith of Jibreel.[1] This hadith details the six articles of faith: the belief in Allah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, the Last Day, and in Al-Qadaa and Al-Qadar. Imaan can also be understood by how it is described in the Quran and in the work of Islamic scholars.

But what if we were to relate imaan metaphorically to something we are all familiar with? What would most appropriately help understand the role imaan plays in our lives?

I find it helpful to think about imaan like a rope that connects our hearts to Allah. When we strengthen our imaan, we strengthen that rope. It becomes so strong that no matter what happens in our lives, our connection to Allah is never severed.

Think again about the curves I asked my students to draw. During our discussion, I told them to imagine their hearts were tethered to Allah by this rope of imaan. The more they invested in their faith, the stronger and more resilient this rope became. Then, I asked them to imagine what might happen when the curve of their life suddenly took a dip. What happened to their hearts? Did they find themselves in a free-fall, without anything to hold them up? Or were they carried over that dip by the rope of imaan?

We all agreed that falling is a scary feeling, especially if it’s from a great height. When we jump off the high dive our stomachs flip. For a moment we may even feel frightened. We find relief in knowing that the water below us will break our fall. But what if we didn’t have a pool of water below us? How terrifying would it be to fall from so high up?

Finding the WayFacing adversity without the rope of faith feels similar to jumping off a high dive into a dry, cement pool. The Quran actually relates our lack of faith to the experience of free-falling (Quran 22:31). It becomes easy to despair when our hearts are not attached to Allah.

Strengthening Our Rope:

I imagined that in that classroom full of students, some of them understood exactly what I was talking about. They could probably describe how their faith had helped them get through hard times. They could talk about finding solace in their connection with Allah, and comfort in knowing they could always turn to Him.

I realized, however, that other students might not be so sure. They might question why they didn’t feel connected to Allah. They might even wonder if there was any hope for their faith. Could they regain what they felt they had lost?

To those students, I would offer a reassuring word. I would tell them that my own story was one of reconnecting with my faith and rediscovering the beautiful calmness of the soul that comes with it.

Yes, we can recover from a decrease in faith. In fact, scholars tell us that sometimes, a decrease in our faith may be a blessing. How? It is a blessing if it forces us to strive at reconnecting with Allah, for in such striving there is great reward.

Understanding that we should strive to reconnect with Allah is important, but knowing how we do this—how we increase our imaan—is maybe even more so. There is much advice in our tradition about this—from seeking beneficial knowledge, to nourishing our hearts through the remembrance of Allah.

God-willing, our next article will look at this advice and lay out some practical tips to help us increase our imaan.

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[1] The full hadith and explanation can be found at: http://40hadithnawawi.com/index.php/the-hadiths/hadith-2

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About Marwa Abdalla