Turn Back Now
Sadaf Farooqi/aboutislam.net
Torn. Despondent. Broken. Miserable. Alone.
There seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. He had
thought he would be so happy once he was liberated from all ‘religious’
shackles. That is what his atheist ‘friends’ had told him: that he would feel
totally liberated & free to do whatever he pleased.
At first, he did. He partied, he went clubbing, he sniffed
forbidden powders, he drank alcohol. He indulged in forbidden pleasures of the
flesh. He ate & drank whatever and whenever he fancied. He slept and awoke
according to his desires and schedule.
At first, he enjoyed this new, self-indulgent “bubble”:
pretending to believe that there was no god. That the life of this world was
all there was. That everything happened randomly, without purpose or cause.
That doing whatever he wanted to do, without any restrictions whatsoever, would
make him find true happiness.
This vicious cycle of self-indulgence and self-deception
went on and on, until he sank lower and lower into a depressed, lonely state.
He would see and hear of Muslims praying, fasting during Ramadan, eating only
halal, going for umrah, getting married through arranged unions, and starting
families. He saw the peace on their faces; the calm in their demeanor. He heard
their genuine laughter.
They seemed to strangely be at peace, contented with so
little of the worldly ‘glitter’. Each time he met or saw them, he felt a tinge
of envy; of regret. There was a time when he had loathed the very sight of
them, and called them demeaning names inside his head; not wanting to be caught
dead in the same room as one of them.
But all of this was beginning to change. Now, he found
himself secretly envying them for their staunch beliefs, firmness in faith, and
patience in performing acts of worship. He envied their indifference to worldly
temptations and luxuries.
One day, alone in his room, whilst getting ready for another
night out with his “friends”, he slumped on the floor instead. He just could
not take it any more. He broke down.
Collapsing onto his knees, he burst into tears, and
instinctively, between sobs, cried out:
“Oh God! What am I doing…? I am sorry! Please forgive me,
and help me come back to Islam…”
Allah says in the Quran:
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves
[by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all
sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful. (39:53)
This is one of the most hope-inspiring and morale-restoring
verses of the Quran. Allah reassures repentant and broken sinners to not
despair of His mercy, promising them that He can and will forgive all of their
sins, no matter how great and numerous they are.
This verse should come as a beacon of hope to anyone, Muslim
or not, who has had the “fortune” of reaching the kind of “broken and humbled”
emotional and psychological state of mind & heart, which I have attempted
to describe in the fictional account above.
The reason why I call this otherwise painful and distressing
state, a “fortune”, is because, through it Allah offers a human being the
golden opportunity to turn back to Him in sincere repentance, and to start anew
in life, by turning over a new leaf.
In such a humbled state, the person feels totally isolated
and alone inside, as if they are hollow and empty. They feel like this even if
they are amid their group of friends, outwardly having a ball of a time, or
with just their close family members, enjoying cosy conversations.
They feel as if something is missing inside, even if they
have every possible blessing that they could have ever asked for in life. They
do not understand why they feel as if something major and significant is still
missing; why their soul still feels so unfulfilled. They also feel a pull
towards practicing Muslims whenever they spot them somewhere, wishing they
could have the same faith and piety as them.
They wonder, “Just what is it that gives them the faith,
inner strength, and peace that they so clearly enjoy? And why don’t I have it?
How do I get it?”
The reason for this emptiness of the soul is the state of
their hearts, which have become sealed and darkened because of the pile of
their unrepented-for past sins.
Thankfully, Allah’s forgiveness & mercy is much more
vast than His wrath. The greatest barrier that usually prevents a sinner who
wants to turn back to Allah, from sincerely repenting, however, is the cunning
insinuations of Satan. He works hard to dissuade them, by deluding them into
thinking despondent thoughts, such as:
How will Allah forgive me? I have committed so many major
sins! What’s the point in turning back now? I don’t even remember how to pray.
I am not sober for more than half the day. I can never reach the level of piety
and righteousness that so many Muslims have worked so hard over years to
attain.
I do not even have the strength of will to become even a
little righteous again… I left religion once, I will probably give up on it
again. How will I be able to hold on to my faith even if I get it back….? Islam
is too difficult. My family will not let me change… it’s impossible.
As if on cue, right after the reassuring verse of the Quran
above, Allah goes on to invite the wistful and humbled sinner to come back and
repent to Him:
And return [in repentance] to your Lord and submit to Him
before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped. And follow
the best of what was revealed to you from your Lord before the punishment comes
upon you suddenly, while you do not perceive. (39:54-55)
Allah encourages the repenting sinner to look ahead, and not
let go of this opportunity to turn back to Him, by following what they can from
the best of the guidance sent by Allah.
Such a turning point does not come upon a humbled believer
again and again in life. It offers a rare opportunity to seek forgiveness for
their sins, and to turn over a new leaf.
For surely, Allah will forgive all sins, even if they fill
up the skies and the earth!
After all, the longest and most arduous of journeys, which
can take a person from rock-bottom to the loftiest spiritual destination,
begins with nothing much but a steely resolve, a thin ray of hope….
…and a single, hesitant first step.
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About Sadaf Farooqi
Sadaf Farooqi is an author, blogger and freelance writer
based in Karachi, Pakistan. To date, Sadaf has authored over 300 original
articles, most of which can be accessed on her blog, "Sadaf's Space"
(sadaffarooqi.wordpress.com). She has recently started self-publishing her past
articles as non-fiction Islamic books, which are available on Amazon and Kindle
(www.amazon.com/author/sadaffarooqi)
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